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How many times have we been here? How many times has the same thing happened with the same reaction? Can we leave it all behind? Can we just give up? I think I’m going to have to. The end of the road. Over and out!
I’m only getting to the point where I’m testing my abilities… and whats the best thing to be when you get to that point… prepared! And I’m preparing myself. My singing is coming on leaps and bounds, now I’ve got a little more confidence and worked on it. This is what this time is for. Before the freedom and the real tests. I’m going to do this. I have to do this. I’m third in line to the thrown and the next decade has my name on it.
…I’ve said it too many times, and I still stand firm. You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve…
…Still I ain’t seen mine…
…I’ve been giving, just ain’t been getting, I’ve been walking that there line, so I think I’ll keep a walking, with my head held high, I’ll keep moving on…
Sometimes I dream of a perfect world where people exist to create beauty, and in that world the big spaces, shops, parks, open spaces… are all used to house created beauty. In this world, what you look like doesn’t matter, because no one cares, they just care about their emotions and experiencing what life has to offer. People all have space and the best is shown to the world, and the worst is still given the respect the creator deserves for trying. It’s a nice world… you’d like it.
…And Only God Knows Why…
Even heroes have heroes. Do they feel how I do about mine. That I will never be as good as them, no matter how hard I try. I’m on a mission, I have some serious mountains to climb. And it ain’t gonna be easy. But I will try. And that fact should actually make the whole ordeal easier. At-least I know I tried… wherever I end up. It will be my grace and every moment have the echos of blood, sweat and tears. Sleepless nights and concave mornings. Dry lips and sweaty feet, bruised knuckles and ink on skin.
The only question I have left it… afterwards will I be free and able to sleep? or is this task one of the labours placed on me?
“Do you have a hero”
“No, but it would be kinda handy if I did, do you?”
“Yeah and I wish I didn’t”
“Why?”
“Because I will always be in his shadow”
Oh boy, realisation is a hard thing to stomach, even at the best of times. I’m really not able to handle the extent of this one, but surprisingly I’m so happy its there, because at the same time its set me free and I have a plan now. A plan to ride the wave all the way out. My little girl could do with her friend back, and I could do with some sleep. I hope to god this works. It feels good, and I think it will, but you know what they say…
…The first bitter taste of that terrible illusion… Hope…
Whoa a day later and I’m on the way, I have a little something, I say little cuz its only a progression and a tune, but still its a start and its like nothing I’ve ever made before so that’s good! Its a step in the right direction. I’m still working on it a lot and just playing guitar for fun at the moment… which I haven’t in a long long time. What I need now is something to write about…
I don’t know if anyone who reads this will have ever experienced this, but when I get stressed or upset (as I do almost every hour of my waking day) I feel like the sides of my head become rock solid and start pushing against my brain, like my heads getting tighter. Again I don’t know if there is some medical reason for this, I’ve had plenty of other things medically wrong with my head or so it seems. If anyone knows can they let me know.
I was amazed at having 50 viewers in my first month! I know some of them were probably just my friends, but still. Its inspired me to keep writing. I’m getting there slowly. I’m still behind the door, but I’m not sitting down anymore. I’ll find out what life has to offer.
…La fille danse quand elle joue avec moi et je pense que je l’aime des fois le silence, n’ose pas dis-donc quand on est ensemble mettre les mots sur la petite dodo……La fille danse quand elle joue avec moi et la pluie elle me manque. Pourquoi? Non, non c’est la chanson, la nuit, le vent, l’amour , le son de la petite Dodo…
So the new year is upon us and I feel different. I don’t feel any better than I did a day ago, my demons haven’t gone away (that’s for sure) but I feel like this is the time to go for it. This is the time when everything will fit into place. I had my keyboard out today and have already got a tune to work with. I’m writing a piece for my girlfriend now. I want it to be the first proper piece I’ve made and I want it to be a step in the right direction. I don’t know how I’m going to do it, but I will and I can only hope that it turns out alright. I will try to keep an update on here of whats happening. Haven’t posted in a while due to Christmas madness… work, shopping, family etc. But plan to start upping the tempo again now and make a final push. I don’t know if all musicians feel like a squeezed piece of fruit after writing, but boy I do, but I’m going to milk the last few drops before I crack. Better to go down blazing than to die without trying.
